AOA - 흔들려 (Confused) M-V Teaser - YouTube.mp4
At exactly a year ago, this moment, I have just landed in Perth Airport.
The contact lens in my eyes are not exactly making me comfortable after 5 hours of flight. I could have slept through it, but the turbulence is scaring me, but what scares me even more is what will happen after I landed.
I am shaking.
I couldn’t say this is the best choice in my life, flying across the ocean alone, but, this is the only choice I have, and i have to do it.
It all ended, too soon, too sudden, too unexplained.
But reality hits me, the moment I arrived, she kept a distance from me.
I know, I am not expecting a warm welcome, a kiss, or even a hug, but it still stings me, considering what we had between us, maybe a simple hi?
I had so much going in my head, how to convince her, how to win her back, how much I am willing to sacrifice and how much I love her. But the moment she walked away from me, I gave up, I know, no matter what I do, its not going to change the fact she is not accepting me in her life anymore.
The promises, that kept me going on for that two month, shattered.
Those future that I had hoped for; buying lots of Ben 10 toys for the youngest sister, being a humorous big brother to the two smart sisters; being; appreciating her mum’s assam laksa; occasionally unwilling to alight from the bus just to spent more time together.
Even though all these haven’t happened, I felt as if I lost it all.
She’s the first woman who said she loved me, she mumbled it, but I heard it clearly.
I loved her, I still do and I always will.
Even in the future I might have met someone else, she still hold a special place in my heart.
I really appreciated that you appeared in my life.
and the sentence I seldom says but always in my heart.
I love you. with all of my heart.
why are woman all the same?
they either choose another guy over you or they just simply play with your heart
I had just received my result yesterday. To be honest, I trembled when I pressed the view result button. This year is unlike last year, I was well prepared and had more time to prepare last year and less distracted. This year is a disaster, spending 3 weeks in Perth facing someone who had never loved me, the late confrontation, the emotion torture during revision and the lack of time. I always thought this year’s result is a goner and most likely I had to retake. When I saw the results, I was relieved and overjoyed. My result turns out to be better than last year.
Its a blessing in disguise, during my revision, I keep reminding myself that I will and must not fall because of the incident, instead I should do even better to prove a point. I am glad I did.
I have seen and heard so much since then, its simply way too different from what I used to know about her, maybe like the others say, I dived in too fast and didnt understand her well enough, what she say and behaved did not match what I have seen in Perth and thankfully, because of this trip, I realize she is not the perfect girl for me and I did not make the biggest mistake in my life to transfer to Perth and study with her.
But, also because of her, I couldn’t trust any girls anymore. The promise of “I wont hurt you like the other girls” and “I will be yours when you say it to me face to face” did not happened. Perhaps I shouldn’t have open my heart to anyone in the first place.